Finally a language even any economist can understand: We use and are dependent upon services that the ecosystem provide, such as clean water, fish pollination and a stable climate. These services can, of course, be provided by us humans as well, but it wouls cost very much more. Examples:
The bees have disappeared in parts of China, so no (free) pollination service anymore. People have to walk around with brushes and pollinate. It takes approximately 10 persons to perform the same amount of pollination as one colony of bees.
The river Jordan doesn't reach it's destination anymore, the water is used for irrigation of fruit. What if the river would stop completely?
The Aral lake doesn't exist anymore. The water was used to irrigate cotton fields. All that is left is a stinking hole of pesticides and DDT. It would have been wiser to use slightly less water and still produce cotton, wouldn't it?
New York was about to loose it's supply of clean fresh water. They had basically two options: Protect and restore Catskills, the area where the water had been gotten from until now. Or they could build a water purification plant. They chose the first option. It cost them 1,5 biljon dollars. A lot of money, sure, but the plant would have cost them 7-8 biljon and would have needed, annually, another 300 million.
What we need to do is to realise that these services are vital to our economy and damages to them are extremely expensive. We have to learn the limits of the ecosystems we depend upon.
Those of you lucky enough to speak Swedish should watch Planeten, a brilliant TV series about the state of the planet. The material is mostly in English, so you could all watch it and get the main picture: There is a crisis, but it's fully possible to solve. If we act NOW!
Friday, December 29, 2006
Monday, December 18, 2006
The world is awakening...
Kofi Annan was justfully critical to the foreign politics of USA in his speech leaving office as secretary general of the United Nations. It's a brave man talking:
"no nation can make itself secure by seeking supremacy over all others"
"It is not realistic to think that some people can go on deriving great benefits from globalization while billions of others are left in, or thrown into, abject poverty."
"both security and prosperity depend on respect for human rights and the rule of law...That is vital for development, too."
"institutions must be organized in a fair and democratic way, giving the poor and the weak some influence over the actions of the rich and the strong"
"the system works poorly when the United States remains aloof"
Another enlightened soul is Jimmy Carter who's critical to the Israel politics in trying to solve the Middle East conflict.
"The United States is squandering international prestige and goodwill and intensifying global anti-American terrorism by unofficially condoning or abetting the Israeli confiscation and colonization of Palestinian territories."
(From his book Palestine Peace Not Apartheid.)
Otherwise politicians are sadly silent. What does EU say? The Swedish government? Nothing...
First step is realizing there is a problem. Then you can start thinking how to fix it. Then do it!
"no nation can make itself secure by seeking supremacy over all others"
"It is not realistic to think that some people can go on deriving great benefits from globalization while billions of others are left in, or thrown into, abject poverty."
"both security and prosperity depend on respect for human rights and the rule of law...That is vital for development, too."
"institutions must be organized in a fair and democratic way, giving the poor and the weak some influence over the actions of the rich and the strong"
"the system works poorly when the United States remains aloof"
Another enlightened soul is Jimmy Carter who's critical to the Israel politics in trying to solve the Middle East conflict.
"The United States is squandering international prestige and goodwill and intensifying global anti-American terrorism by unofficially condoning or abetting the Israeli confiscation and colonization of Palestinian territories."
(From his book Palestine Peace Not Apartheid.)
Otherwise politicians are sadly silent. What does EU say? The Swedish government? Nothing...
First step is realizing there is a problem. Then you can start thinking how to fix it. Then do it!
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Is the peak passed for "The Greatest Nation on Earth"?
More and more signs appear, indicating that the peak has passed for the USA. Economical signs as well as political.
Last month a survey stated that travellers find USA to be the most inhospitable country on earth to visit.
You can notice the government shivering and desperatley clinging on to the power they know they are loosing. Just look at Iraq. Or Kyoto. Or South America.
I will start to collect signs of this historical change. Please, contribute! Of course this goes for the other side as well - are there any signs of the opposite?
Last month a survey stated that travellers find USA to be the most inhospitable country on earth to visit.
You can notice the government shivering and desperatley clinging on to the power they know they are loosing. Just look at Iraq. Or Kyoto. Or South America.
I will start to collect signs of this historical change. Please, contribute! Of course this goes for the other side as well - are there any signs of the opposite?
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Books that made an everlasting impression
When I was young I read many novels. I read every book about indians in the local library. Then I covered all sci-fi novels. I didn't manage all detective stories, but consumed everything by Ed McBain and Alistair McLean and lots more. Maybe that's why I get bored as soon as I even hear the now so popular term crime novel ("deckare" in Swedish). Crime stories are for kids.
Then I got busy studying and didn't have time to read as much novels as before. But through the years I have read quite a lot and a few of those books got stuck on my mind. They are:
John Irving - The Cider House Rules
My first and most memorable out-of-body reading experience. It was a rainy summer and I had sat in my old brown easy chair reading for days, already many hours this particular day. I was absorbed by the book, there didn't exist anything but the world of St. Cloud's orphanage. But then I see myself, the book in my lap, sitting in the chair, happily smiling.
Gabriel García Márquez - 100 år av ensamhet (Cien años de soledad)
After years of singlehood, a couple of relationships had followed. And crashed. Not leaving a mess behind, but a man confused about life and love. Then I read this book and regained the belief in love again, stronger than ever. The big difference now from earlier is that not only do I understand how precious and tender love is, but also that I cannot waste my love. It was fun for a while, but it consumed more than it gave. Now, what I want to find is that special soul, the one that knows my innermost thoughts, I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
Shell get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
Shell hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact shell often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone wholl help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I dont want to be tied
To anyones strings
Im carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
I'm sorry, back on track:
Carl-Johan Vallgren - Den vidunderliga kärlekens historia
I haven't read it all through yet, but I was stuck from the first sentence. The beauty of the language, the melody, the fascinating story about - again - love. A love so true and pure that it lives through what feels like eternal darkness and horror.
For all you unfortunate souls that do not read Swedish, here's a short resume:
It's about a freak, who's mute and deaf, has hardly any arms at all, is roughly a metre tall, has a huge head, is extremely ugly with no hair on his head but a fur on his back. And a gift - he can read the thoughts of others. This is actually his only way of understanding other people. He's born by a whore who dies due to his hugh head. At the same time a beautiful girl is born in another room in the same brothel. The kids are inseparable, but life 200 years ago was tough and eventually she's sold and he ends up in the asylum to die. But he survives and for 13 years he looks for his love, all over Europe. And eventually she stumbles over him, slowly dying in a cemetery in Berlin. Again he survives and they are united. She's married by now, to a gentle, rich man who fought to get her out of the asylum where she was put to die buy an evil man who had done things to her too terrifying to write in any book. The freak - Hercule Barfuss - makes the beautiful woman - Henriette - pregnant and she gets an equally beautiful daughter. The husband thinks it's a miracle, he was sterile! But he's o so proud.
And that's only half-way through the book! :) Maybe I'll come back one day and tell you the rest...
Then I got busy studying and didn't have time to read as much novels as before. But through the years I have read quite a lot and a few of those books got stuck on my mind. They are:
John Irving - The Cider House Rules
My first and most memorable out-of-body reading experience. It was a rainy summer and I had sat in my old brown easy chair reading for days, already many hours this particular day. I was absorbed by the book, there didn't exist anything but the world of St. Cloud's orphanage. But then I see myself, the book in my lap, sitting in the chair, happily smiling.
Gabriel García Márquez - 100 år av ensamhet (Cien años de soledad)
After years of singlehood, a couple of relationships had followed. And crashed. Not leaving a mess behind, but a man confused about life and love. Then I read this book and regained the belief in love again, stronger than ever. The big difference now from earlier is that not only do I understand how precious and tender love is, but also that I cannot waste my love. It was fun for a while, but it consumed more than it gave. Now, what I want to find is that special soul, the one that knows my innermost thoughts, I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
Shell get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
Shell hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact shell often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone wholl help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I dont want to be tied
To anyones strings
Im carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
I'm sorry, back on track:
Carl-Johan Vallgren - Den vidunderliga kärlekens historia
I haven't read it all through yet, but I was stuck from the first sentence. The beauty of the language, the melody, the fascinating story about - again - love. A love so true and pure that it lives through what feels like eternal darkness and horror.
For all you unfortunate souls that do not read Swedish, here's a short resume:
It's about a freak, who's mute and deaf, has hardly any arms at all, is roughly a metre tall, has a huge head, is extremely ugly with no hair on his head but a fur on his back. And a gift - he can read the thoughts of others. This is actually his only way of understanding other people. He's born by a whore who dies due to his hugh head. At the same time a beautiful girl is born in another room in the same brothel. The kids are inseparable, but life 200 years ago was tough and eventually she's sold and he ends up in the asylum to die. But he survives and for 13 years he looks for his love, all over Europe. And eventually she stumbles over him, slowly dying in a cemetery in Berlin. Again he survives and they are united. She's married by now, to a gentle, rich man who fought to get her out of the asylum where she was put to die buy an evil man who had done things to her too terrifying to write in any book. The freak - Hercule Barfuss - makes the beautiful woman - Henriette - pregnant and she gets an equally beautiful daughter. The husband thinks it's a miracle, he was sterile! But he's o so proud.
And that's only half-way through the book! :) Maybe I'll come back one day and tell you the rest...
Monday, December 04, 2006
The Politics of Fucking
A collegue found this brilliant blog entry. I just have to copy it, just in case. Enjoy! And girls - equality doesn't just mean the guys pay the drinks. Hej, guys! It doesn't mean you can expect sex 24/7 either...
The Politics of Fucking
aka
50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex.
1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.
2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.
3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.
4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.
5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.
6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.
7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.
8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.
9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.
10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.
11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.
12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.
13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.
14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.
15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.
16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".
17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.
18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.
19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.
20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.
21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.
22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.
23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.
24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.
25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.
26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.
27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.
28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?
29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.
30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.
31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.
32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.
33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.
34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.
35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.
36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.
37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.
38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).
39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.
40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.
41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.
42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.
43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.
44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.
45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.
46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.
47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.
48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.
49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.
50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.
The Politics of Fucking
aka
50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex.
1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.
2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.
3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.
4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.
5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.
6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.
7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.
8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.
9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.
10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.
11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.
12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.
13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.
14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.
15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.
16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".
17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.
18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.
19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.
20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.
21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.
22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.
23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.
24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.
25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.
26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.
27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.
28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?
29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.
30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.
31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.
32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.
33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.
34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.
35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.
36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.
37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.
38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).
39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.
40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.
41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.
42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.
43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.
44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.
45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.
46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.
47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.
48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.
49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.
50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.
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